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TallBoy was out of state for training all week and he is getting back tonight in time for a few costume parties we have been invited to. 

I saw this costume at Walmart today (though I can’t find the link on Walmart’s site) for $20.  I’m pretty sure it’s perfect:

He will love it, right?!

He will love it, right?!

One of my many irrational fears is having my arms tore off by a bear… But, my heart broke when I read this headline and then the article.

Momma bear retrieves dead cub hit by car

I know, totally killed the mood.  My heart ached.

Here is a cute picture of an alive bear (sorry – I suck and I can’t get the picture bigger, I’m still learning people) that my brother sent me:

 

 Poor bear, though, was used as a political pawn as his picture was the feature in an e-mail that my extremely conservative brother delightfully forwarded to my extremely liberal sister.  The picture was accompanied by this caption:

              Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party… as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance. This photo is of a Democrat black bear in Montana nicknamed ‘Bearack Obama‘!

And then I’m sure my brother laughed and my sister got very mad and I am staying out of it because I get to cast a secret ballot as per my right as a citizen. 

To distract you from the impending political argument, here is a picture of me getting ‘A Little Nukey.’

Picture taken by Betsy.

Dearest Rachel, a.k.a co-surprise birthday party planner

I accidently sent a text to Dana that was meant for you… confirming the time I was to bring her to her Surprise Birthday Party on Saturday.  I suck.  She promises to act surprised and I plan to pinch her really hard when everyone shouts Surprise! to elicit a realistic emotional response. Again, so sorry I suck.

                                                                                                                         Yup I Suck,

                                                                                                                         Mitzy

P.S – She said she is really touched that we are throwing her a surprise party! And, she will be dressed as a cheerleader, I will be a pirate and TallBoy is going to be a giant Whoopie Cushion…Just so there are absolutely no surprises for anyone…

TallBoy: We’ll have to invest in some better sleeping bags if we want to camp in the mountains while we’re there.

Me: You know what would be better than those -20 degree bags?

TallBoy: -40 degree bags.

Me: No, body heat! Sleeping bags made out of human fat.  That would be so cozy.

TallBoy: And smelly…and flammable and disgusting and I’m sure illegal on a lot of different levels…

Me: I should go online and get a patent right now! We could buy liquid human fat from plastic surgery places after they do liposuction on people and then inject into some sort of casing material.  It would totally work. I would be like the dude that invented Velcro!

TallBoy: mmm

Me: Remember on Empire Strikes Back when Han Solo cuts open the camel-kangarooish animal and puts Luke in it so he doesn’t freeze to death?

TallBoy: No.

Me: Sleeping in fat totally saved him.

TallBoy: Mmmm

Me: Dream killer.

Some stoplights in my town have been stealthy removed in the night and replaced with 4-faced stop signs.  Interesting. Probably much more energy-efficient… Safety-factor though, is…well, a factor.  I think I’m going to start standing in this intersection in the mornings with a nightstick (that I made today out of a plunger) and a whistle and direct traffic with my fabulous Pants off, Dance off moves…because that is what people want to see in the morning. 

 

Okay, this was taken with a camera phone during a drive-by. Look! people are not even stopping, and I was already attracting attention by hanging my head out the window with my "in case of danger" Dora helmet on.

Don't judge, this was taken with a camera phone during a drive-by.

My Freaky Frank that I built at thesneeze.com

My Freaky Frank that I built at thesneeze.com

The scene: Longest Friday Afternoon Ever Before A Three Day Weekend and it is Freaking Snowing on October 10th and I’m Hungry:
And then i found the Freaky Franks toy at thesneeze.com and I built me some virtual Freaky Franks.  With toothpaste and buffalo wings!
And then the tartar control topping started to look really good because I was still really hungry. 
And it was still snowing.
On freaking October 10th.
And it was still the longest Friday afternoon before a three day weekend ever.
But the Freaky Franks toy was fun!  It just wasn’t quite able to transport me to a Saturday in July at the water park with a picnic spread including pizza and Guinness. 
And the search for the ultimate time transport device disguised as a hot dog continues…

I came out of the office on Friday at 5:03pm and there was not another soul (minus a hornet that has been living in the girl’s bathroom for the last week) in the entire building.  The lights were off all the doors were closed and I made my way to the front by way of the red Emergency Exit lights. Creeepy.

I was totally expecting Arnold Schwarzenegger to break through the exterior wall and hold out his hand to me…’Come with me if you want to live.’ I was possibly the only person left on the planet and I would have to conceive a child with a person from the future who would later have to save humanity from robots. 

But, when I got outside there were other signs of human life…which was good, because I was to tired to save humanity…again.

My puppy Rhubarb apparently gets car sick.  Okay, not “apparently.”  She TOTALLY gets car sick.  But really only when she is riding in the car after a trip to the vet that involves shots, pills being forced down her throat (gotta love those poop worms) and a conversation about when she would come back to have an Ovariohysterectomy(She did say initially she would be okay with having her uterus removed, she hadn’t found need for it in the last four months anyway, but I think she is having second thoughts because she has been giving me lots of ‘But, what if you would like mini-Rhubarbs someday? looks lately…)  Oh but soooo many dog treats at the vet, dog treats that you don’t have to hide from the big dog at home who out-weighs you by 100 pounds.  

The car ride home from the vet’s office is approximately 45 minutes.  About 4 minutes in, Rhubarb began a strange whining from her crate in the back.  I asked her if she had to go to the bathroom (because we walked around the vet’s office for 15 minutes after the appointment without coping a single squat) and let her out of her cage and began looking for a place to pull over.  Rhubarb climbed out of her cage and made her way onto the passenger seat and looked at me with pitiful, someone stole my favorite ‘My Little Pony’ eyes and proceeded to throw up in one quick motion her 8, partially digested, dog-treats. 

For the remaining half hour of our drive home, (I had bravely decided to drive the puke home …)  Rhubarb dutifully re-consumed most of her up-chuck.  It wasn’t bad smelling puke, and it hadn’t been that digested so she figured ‘what the hay?! I have an empty stomach…’ So, by the time we got home, there wasn’t much left to clean. A little bit of foam cleanser, we’re as good as new. 

In the future, we will be taking a doggie bag to the vet and saving our treats for later.   Lesson learned.  I wonder what kind of treats she gets for the uterus removal…that has to be better than the plan ol’ getting felt up treats…